Im going to need a moment....

So as stated and semi promised from the earlier post more drama did find me, and it was glorious...it is not as much as the morning/afternoon, but the content is right up my ally for blog worthy.
I am in a sign language class, and I love it. I am actually pretty good at it, and I just have always been fascinated by it. Now in learning sign language you also learn like the correct connotations to use a sign and what its implications are. Well that is something that tonight I realized I need to pay more attention to.
We all had to sign a song in front of the class for a grade, now I was sick last week, so me and my partner had to go this week. We had only practiced together once, but both separately had been working on it hoping that when it came together it would produce something that resembled a duet. So we decide that we will meet up before class to just hammer out any final things and make sure it flows well.A quick precursor to the song performance, I had to sign a story last semester and I was not nervous at all until I walked in the room and then I was literally crippled with fear, so since I was so calm and confident about this song I was hoping the same thing did not happen and I would be left in front of the class as a statue instead of an interpreter.I also have this problem when I mess up I call myself out, like 99 percent of the time it probably goes unnoticed until I feel the intense need to call myself out. And that happened with the story, I did not know the sign and I made one up, I do not think she even batted an eye and yet in the middle of my story I say..."well that definatly was the wrong sign I don't even know what I did." See what I am saying unnecessary...yet it happens all the time in general conversations too, I will say something stupid and before anyone responds I will repeat what I said and then say what am I talking about that is so stupid...
So for the song I am praying against this urge but as we are practicing I mess up and just say SHAMBLES and start laughing...my partner is just like um you can't just do that, I am like ahhh...right. So I see that we still need practice so we just keep going over it and over it. It is all going good and I am thinking that it looks good, and we are about to stop when I notice that she is doing a different sign for "need." So I ask her about it and she is just like yeah I am doing need as in must have etc. So then I think back on what sign I am using (keep in mind for 2 weeks and these like past 5 times I have been signing this) and I realize that I have been using the sign for desire/want. I don't really think too much of it and so I am like ah let's just do it again. We get halfway through (this sign is used repeatedly) and then I am like you are going to need to pause this I need a moment the reality of what I have been signing/saying has just hit me. She pauses it and I loose it laughing...the word I had been using was like an intentional(if done a certain way/the way I was, but not on purpose)sexual desire....
yeah so this WHOLE time I was saying that I was in that sense desiring God that way...I am pretty sure that is soo not sound doctrinally or theologically and might even cross many more lines. So after a good laugh and evaluation, I decide it is best that I go with the way my partner is signing it. Obviously I need more practice now to make sure that does not slip out in front of an actual understanding audience, but I am reminded that it just might because I had been doing it that way for so long.
Well ladies and gentleman it did happen I got caught up and it just slipped out, so now not only do inappropriate things slip out of my mouth, now my signs are being affected. So it comes out and I just look at the girl who was there for the practice and we share a glance and I just push through the rest of the song.
YEah it was a great performance other than that Becca(my partner was shining strong comparatively ) so I guess it came out alright in the end...I just hope my teacher did not catch it, we might have a discussion about it later...but for now I am just glad I did not rat myself out lol.