how far along are you?!

So my sister was pregnant, and that began to create a lot of anxiety and tension in the Nettuno household. Leading up to this baby was not pretty. For one my mom would run to the phone(literally run) every time it rang, and would not take my advice of moving the portable phone to where ever she would be sitting. Also some people in our lives try to be prophetic and just throw out random dates, well I was not going to accept any of that so I was inwardly spiting all these people, praying the opposite of whatever day they said. Because my family does not have enough to argue/debate about my youngest sister tried to be one of these prophetic people because and I quote here "she knows about babies and can just feel it." So me and my father (instead of supporting her) started making bets against her. Anyway all the prophesied dates past, my mom had cleaned pretty much everything in the house, so it was time for this baby to come...
I had gone to the beach that day and as always had not applied the proper amount of sunscreen so I was burned pretty much everywhere and I fell asleep rather quickly that night trying to situate myself in a way that did not hurt. I had been completely knocked out when my door burst open and I hear my mother scream she is having the baby we got to go NOW! Here is the situation when I look at the clock and see that it is only 1:30 "NOW" is not something I can just produce. So my mom and my dad leave and I am to take me and maureen. This time I am told to "HURRY" and once again "hurry" is another one of those concepts that does not register until much later in the day(and sometimes not even then). Due to my sunburn clothing options are limited so I end up in a dress that is way to short but I am validated when Maureen comes out wearing something of equal length. And what seemed like an ok fashion statement at the time quickly proved otherwise, as it was now 2 am we are dressed like hookers, I have no gas and we are driving through the ghetto...yeah not so great. So I pull into one gas station and of course there is no gas there just a car full of creepers, so we vacate that one and try and make it to the next one. By the grace of God we did but it was definately sketch town USA out there. After the gas we make it to the hospital, we go inside and this is where my new favorite person Jim joins the story.Jim was a late night security guard, who you could tell wanted to be on the force but for what would become apparent later, he did not possess the skills.And he had his police mini scanner turned up so he could follow along. The dialouge is as follows.(I am not happy when I am tired so my tone during all of this probably is making him think I am about to pull a concealed weapon on him...I can't fake niceness at 2:15 am)
J: "Good morning how can I help you?"
D: "We need to go to labor and delivery."
J: "O are you seeing a patient?"
D:9in my mind i am thinking DUH why else would I say that)"yes we are here to see my sister"
J: (says this to my 14 yr old sister, without a hint of joking in his voice)how far along are you?"
D:(jim is not producing the results I want so my patience went from a 1 to a -5) "she is Not pregnant my sister is already up there we are trying to go see her..."
J: " O i just..." "it has been a long night"
D:" yeah NO"
J: "ok I am going to need to see some ID" (looks at Maureen) "I am guessing you do not have any?"(this was in a tone that he took due to her hooker dress I believe)
D:(in her defense and to let him know I was angry at him calling her pregnant)YEAH she is 14!"
J:(looks at Maureen) "O...wow..."
D:( I have had enough of jim by this point)
J:(to me now) " well are only like 19-20 yourself..."
D:(really I had NO idea how old I was in fact I was not coming to see my sister but to find out how old I was...!)
J: "has she had the baby yet?"
D: "probably by the time I get up there!"( yeah all politeness was lost too)
J: "well I am trying to get you up there as soon as I can"(Really Jim I feel like you are LYING)
J: (then he tries to call the third floor)"sorry that was the wrong number"
then he calls the real number and tells them that he has two people coming up to see...(he could not pronounce Bryan, what a surprise)so I assist him and then he asks the lady if she has had the baby yet and hangs up. He then says o she would not tell me if she had it yet. And I am just like give me the freaking sticker and I can find out for myself JIM!We finally make it up there and guess what in our lovely time with Jim, my sister had the baby. But luck for us my sister is semi crazy so I did not miss hearing her name, or seeing her. In waiting to see her me and Tori need snacks so we go and get some and think that getting that vending machine espresso will be a good idea too. Well we were WAY wrong and that caused me to dry heave and tori to throw up all over the pavement. We return victorious to the waiting room though because we purchased 15 cookies for 85 cents, and that was a steal.finally at 4 am we get to see the beautiful baby! what a night!